Curbside Jimmy has not hopped a freight since 2010. and has had no recent contact with the nations population of railroad hobos.
Curbside Jimmy has never paid more than $10 for a hat.
Curbside Jimmy always lives within walking distance of a railroad.
Curbside Jimmy is a hominid
Curbside Jimmy does not have a social security number.
Curbside Jimmy has never had anything that would be considered a job.
Curbside Jimmy owns the only dog in the world which is known to have been rescued twice in one day from two separate dog pounds in completely different cities on the same day.
Curbside Jimmy, unequivocally and and categorically denies any and all charges against him.
Curbside Jimmy is not part of any organized or informal conspiracy. Regardless, Curbside Jimmy recognizes the role of “unindicted co-conspirator as one of societies most desirable roles.”
Any crimes Curbside Jimmy may have been accused of or or has been suspected of committing are now past all relevant statutes of limitation.
Curbside Jimmy is not now and never has been a member of the communist party.
Curbside Jimmy is not rich or poor.